Category Archives: Anime

Erased (Or: “Dabid’s Backup)

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I don’t really have any memories from the day of my strokes. It’s weird knowing that you were awake… conscious… doing stuff and having conversations… maybe having existential epiphanies about life and existence… but all memory of those things has been burned away forever.

I say “burned away” because something I do have clear memories of is a crazed hallucination I had on the first or second night I was off life support in the ICU. In my “dream”, I was sitting in a room—in my mind—and seeing a film strip of memories in front of me on fire, burning to ash. If you’ve ever seen the anime “Erased”, it’s like the opening to that, but with fire.

(In “Erased”—which should be called “The Town Where Only I Don’t Exist” in the English version, but isn’t, because of chicanery—the main character is able to time travel his adult consciousness into his younger self in order to relive and change past events in his life. the opening shows his young and adult selves sitting in an otherwise empty theater. )

After my memory strip burned up, I was floating in a void, sure that it was the end for me. Somehow, I managed to burst out from the ocean of unconsciousness, a la Naruto in the “Diver” opening to Naruto Shippuden. I was utterly petrified and probably at my maximal blindness, but I can confidently pinpoint that moment as the moment I decided I definitely wanted to—and was going to—live.

My wife and best friend, Dave, were there when I burst out of life-death, and I remember telling my wife not to worry because Dave could just back up my consciousness and install it into a new clone body if anything went bad. Dave assured me he did not have that technology, but my brain was totally scrambled and I was unconvinced that the basis for Jonathan Hickman’s “X-Men: House of X/Powers of X” was fictional.

Central to the foundation of HoX/PoX is the concept that Charles Xavier stores backups of the minds of every mutant so that mutants never die permanently—but when resurrected, they’re missing any memories from between their death and most recent backup. I’ve spent a lot of time pondering the implications of that.

Any answers I might have arrived at the day of my strokes, regarding life, the universe, or my part in either, were burned away forever (along with who knows how many billion other memories and brain cells). But if large chunks of me were utterly erased permanently, just like that, was I still really the same “me” at all? I wonder.

For those who haven’t heard me gush about it, I consider House of X/Powers of X to be the greatest and most transcendent comic book narrative of our time. It redefined and reframed decades of comic book history in a way I had never seen before and don’t expect to see again.

I tried explaining HoX/PoX to my neurology team when they came in to evaluate me—including my concern that I’d already died and been resurrected to a backup body—but they also insisted that they didn’t have that technology.

Jonathan Hickman was definitely ahead of his time.

Normie (or: “Dabid Watches Stuff”)

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I’ve been trying to put in an effort lately to expose myself to some media (you know–movies, TV, books, video games) that I ordinarily would not pay attention to—or would actively avoid—for a couple of purposes.

Because of the fact that my brain primarily fixates on toys and collectibles, it’s typically difficult for me to dredge up enough interest to sit still and watch something that doesn’t have any merchandising I’m interested in. There are exceptions to this when a story manages to gel with another one of my interests (my mind is not entirely one-track), but for the most part I avoid things that look scary, boring or “normie”.

For that last descriptor, please note that I’m not saying or meaning it in a derogatory fashion—it’s just that I have a difficult time relating to a lot of mainstream tastes and perspectives, and I’ve traditionally been too unmotivated (or lazy) to try to learn anything about those types of media. If there’s not a hook somewhere that manages to catch my attention, it’s a real battle to force myself to stay still and watch a thing, whether it be 22 or 220 minutes.

However. Having driven my friends and acquaintances practically insane an uncountable number of times over my life with my sheer obliviousness and inability to recognize references to popular shows and movies, I am beginning to understand the value in experiencing these things that “everybody else” (hyperbole) knows about already.

I’m not saying that everyone everywhere should try to watch, read or listen to stuff that they have zero affinity for, but I’ve discovered that having a lack of what’s considered common popular culture knowledge is an issue for at least me specifically. Why? Because it further isolates me and distances me from others, when I don’t actually want to be isolated. I think.

Don’t get me wrong: I don’t love all social interaction (I dread a majority of it, honestly). But I also don’t want to be so ignorant of common knowledge and poorly-versed and inexperienced at being social that I alienate people I do want to interact with.

In addition, if you care about a person, it makes sense to me that you can learn more about them by learning about the things they love. So if a show or song or movie or video game is important to someone else, you can get to know that person better by consuming that same media to try to discover why it is important to that person and have a better understanding of them overall.

And so, I have begun my study of certain pieces of media that have been recommended to me that I otherwise would have outright rejected. Things like Alien (which apparently has a cutely named sequel named Aliens). Things like Beastars (which, incidentally, I’ve included a related Dabid Unboxes! video alongside this entry). And things like The Office. Which, strangely enough, is going to tie together these two latest entries…

Complementary Video: Dabid Unboxes!: Beastars Original Soundtrack OST – Satoru Kosaki 3x LP Vinyl Record Set

Zero Cool the Mysterious Rogue Hobbit (or: “Dabid’s 1st ‘D&D’ Character”)

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In 2017, I somehow ended up playing several games of Pathfinder, a Dungeons & Dragons-like role-playing board game. I say “somehow” because these types of games generally require social interaction with multiple other people (which I am traditionally quite poor at and anxious about partaking in).

Even so, my best (and only) local friend had ambitions to serve as a “Dungeon Master”, and somehow my wife and I ended up roped into attending a few sessions of table-top adventuring with him and two random people (“a few sessions” because the campaign abruptly ended without resolution).

Dabid's First RPG Character Sheet Zero Cool Pathfinder D&D

My first character I ever created was a Hobbit (I rejected the use the official name of “Halfling” that the game tried to insist upon for the race): the mysterious Zero Cool, a thief and opportunist of the Rogue class. I chose the name in honor of Lelouch vi Britannia’s masked identity from the Code Geass anime, Zero, who became a symbol of rebellion and a messianic figure to the subjugated Japanese (you may have noticed by now that I have a real thing for saviors).

It was uncomfortable for me having to work on a “team” where I didn’t know half the other people at all and they weren’t familiar with my quirks or personality, so I don’t think we gelled very naturally. I actually don’t have a very solid recollection of those games at all, beyond that Brienne of Tarth the Paladin was in our party (played by a dude) and my wife was playing as some classic (I think Ranger) that could control a bird as an animal companion. Had we kept playing, I have little doubt she would have eventually had a dinosaur familiar. Alas.

I’m not sure how the “Cool” part of Zero’s name came about, but I’m guessing it was someone else’s suggestion–I would have wanted the name kept as one word to make it simpler and more enigmatic, I think. I had all sorts of potential plot twists and story arcs masterminded for Zero, but none of them were ever able to come to fruition during our brief campaign (since we ultimately only played about 3 or 4 quests before the party fell apart forever).

Even so, in just a few hours of role-playing I had developed the template and playstyle for all the future characters I’d play in other tabletop RPGs: the trouble-making rebel who breaks off from the rest of the party, striking out on their own to claim every treasure chest for good and devastate all of the enemies in the name of success for the group as a whole, regardless of the characters’ actual attributes or intended gameplay.

Rebellious in all manner of unexpected situations, confident in their own abilities and comfortable breaking the rules, this is the type of character that I naturally gravitate toward liking and playing as. It’s the kind of personality that’s always appealed to me and that I’ve always sort of envisioned as having myself.

But as much as I love role-playing that type of person in a game, doing so also highlights to me the fact that the actual ethics and morals hardwired into me that I can’t get past are nowhere near as cool as those of the made-up characters I can take control of and briefly live vicariously through. It’s a bitter reality, but having knowledge of and being reminded of it pushes me to work to grow and change so that I can surpass my limitations.

The Hero That Saves Everyone (or: “Dabid’s Ideals: I”)

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There have been several ideas and principles that I’ve picked up from media—usually video games or anime—that have permeated my brain and become core beliefs and permanent parts of my personality. Over the course of this year of entries, I want to make sure that I touch upon what those ideals are and what they mean to me. Because while some people can write these off as being merely elements of stories and fictional concepts, they’re as real and important to me as anything others might glean from their chosen religions or philosophies.

And the first one of these that I want to look at comes from an anime that I don’t especially love, but that had an impact on me nonetheless: Mobile Suit Gundam AGE. Taking place in three time periods over about half a century, Gundam AGE follows the exploits of three generations of a mobile suit pilot’s family over the course of an interplanetary war.

The young hero of the first act of the series is Flit Asuno, a boy who hears a story about a Gundam referred to as “the hero who saves everyone” (which I believe has been translated into “a savior” officially, but I like the translation I heard first infinitely more).

Optimistic and idealistic, Flit wants to emulate the legendary hero and become a savior himself that protects everyone—until experiencing violent loss and learning about the evils of humanity jades him into a cynical military commander, willing to sacrifice the innocent to achieve an end to the war and the utter destruction of his enemies.

Flit’s descent into obsession and hatred dominates his life and the majority of the series (and is a lesson in its own right), but he eventually does navigate his way through his own bitterness, finding a way to become a true savior that saves both sides in the interplanetary war and unites mankind.

This type of fallen savior character is seen throughout popular media, perhaps most notably through the character of Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars. Anakin believes he is fated as the Chosen One to destroy the Sith, end the Clone Wars and bring peace and balance to the Force.

Ultimately, Anakin is driven to evil by grief and loss, as the fear of even one more person dear to him dying is more than he can handle. Anakin eventually finds redemption, but like Flit, it’s only after decades of anger, hate and unquantifiable violence. Even the most kind and benevolent of intentions can lead to traveling down a dark path (okay, yes, and also a Dark Side) if one becomes lost in grief, fear and obsession.

On the flip side, we find characters such as Emma in The Promised Neverland and Uzumaki Naruto in Naruto, characters who also experience loss and hardship, but learn to look beyond themselves and aim to save everyone on every side without faltering. These serve as a good reminder that the same goals don’t necessarily have to lead to the same end–that circumstance, individual choice and personal integrity influence an outcome as well.

There are plenty of other examples of this character archetype that I could draw upon from pop culture, but for my purposes, these are enough of an illustration of a concept that I have absorbed and fully bought into: The Hero That Saves Everyone.

Whether it’s some wild rabbits living in our neighborhood, a friend I’m worried is suffering silently or a random person I know on the Internet that I fear is being consumed by sadness or hatred, I have an overwhelming urge to meddle (unasked for) and try to “save” others.

Sometimes this resolve bewilders other people; sometimes it makes me become fixated and frustrated; sometimes this compulsion makes other humans really angry with me. But no matter how much I try to, it’s an ideal that I just can’t seem to get past.

And that brings us to the title of this blog, which happens to be what I consider to be the best idea of my life…